Saccharine Sakura
by red-flower11
Summary: AU: Living in a foster home full of hot guys has never been this complicated. MultiSaku


**title: **Saccharine Sakura

**pairing: **MultiSaku

**word count:** 8700

**disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto or _My Life Would Suck Without You_ by Kelly Clarkson

**warnings:** OOC-ness. mood swings. and yelling. lots and lots of yelling.

For Vesper Chan's Sakura Oneshot contest. =D

Saccharine: very sweet to the taste; exaggeratedly sweet or sentimental

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Sasori was abruptly pulled into consciousness at the sound of the phone ringing throughout the huge house, echoing off it's surfaces cavernously. He squinted his eyes at the sunlight beaming through the skylight, catching the dust motes that drifted by, and blinked a few times to rid his eyelids of drowsiness. He realized through the haze of sleep, that something warm was pressed against his right side, and draped across his legs and chest, but he paid it no heed, too disinterested and out of it to really care.

The phone continued to blare through the living room where he found himself laying, on a fluffy comforter spread out on the carpet flooring. He tried to recall the reason behind his current location, and vaguely remembered having fallen asleep during a movie he and everyone else in the foster home were watching. What was the movie about...? He couldn't remember. Suddenly, the ringing ceased and Sasori gathered that the person on the other line must have given up. In the immediate silence that followed however, he was thoroughly surprised to hear a quiet, slow breathing beside his right ear. His interest piqued, Sasori turned his head, ever so slightly, and his eyes met with... with _pink_. He blinked. Eh?

And suddenly, Sasori realized the pink thing was the very same warm squishy entity that was pressed to his right side, a leg thrown over his waist and an arm tossed over his chest, constricting him in a cuddling hug. In his freshly rejuvenated brain, Sasori tried his utmost hardest to put two and two together and identify the pink person, clutching to him. The name was on the very tip of his tongue, but he couldn't seem to bring it to the front of his mind--

"Mm, Sakura's teddy bear," The pink blur abruptly announced―Sasori jumping in surprise—before nuzzling against his shirt and letting out a deep breath. And instantly, Sasori knew the name and species of the person clutching to him as if her were a teddy bear, as stated earlier by Haruno Sakura herself.

The red-head couldn't stop the drunken smirk of pleasure at the mere thought of Sakura having wrapped her arms around him in the middle of the night, despite all the other potential people that surrounded her. In fact, Tobi had his head resting contentedly in the curve of her side, at that moment, a sleepy grin on his face and Sasori promptly lifted his foot and shoved at the Uchiha's forehead, causing him to slip off and smash his cheek against the blanket.

Sasori smirked. If he was going to have a Sakura moment, he would prefer it without any interruption. Because this... this was a euphoric time for the red-haired man. And most likely the only time Sakura would willingly cosset him as if he were some puppy, or, of course, a teddy bear. His smirk grew even wider when she squeezed him tighter, and pressed her face to his chest to block out the sunlight.

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Sakura squeezed the teddy bear in her arms, basking in its familiar scent, that she couldn't quite place in her sleep induced state, as she hid away from the sunlight, by means of shoving her face into it. The teddy bear, that is. The teddy bear- _Sakura's_ soft, good smelling teddy bear with an unusually fast paced heartbeat, and a slowly rising and falling chest, and the occasional grunt, or groan every time it moved—_OH MY GOD THIS ISN'T A TEDDY BEAR._

Immediately, Sakura's face jerked up from its previous spot, and her green eyes widened as her pale cheeks reddened. There, mere millimeters from her own face, was Sasori, perfectly happy and perfectly _conscious_. "Agh! What the hell?! YOU USED TO BE A TEDDY BEAR! Now, you're some... some, Sasori bear! AGH!" _This_ was the precise reason why Sakura slept in her room. _Alone._

"What the- Sakura-chan, what's wrong?!"

"Sakura-chan?!"

"Sakura?!"

"Sasori! What did you do to Sakura-chan?!"

"Sakura-chan! Are you alright?!"

"Tobi's a good boy!"

...

"Tobi... I worry about you," Sakura muttered, petting his head comfortingly as he pounced on her, his arms wound around her shoulders and his cheek rubbing viciously against hers. "Sorry, guys. I didn't mean to wake you all up... Sasori just scared the crap out of me."

"Tobi, get your grubby hands off of my Sakura!" Naruto hissed, glaring holes in the back of Tobi's head, feeling pretty spry for a teenager who'd just woken up. Sakura narrowed her eyes at her blonde housemate.

"What do you mean '_my',_ exactly?" She prompted, her fists to her hips with a cocked eyebrow. Naruto's expression immediately converted to a puppy-dog pout and he whimpered.

"I'll make breakfast?"

"That's what I thought," Sakura smirked, physically removing Tobi from her frame and sending him a commanding glare. Curiously, Sakura cast a glance around the living room, to see just who all had camped out with her the night before. Itachi was still lounging not far from where her head had previously been, he regarded her with glowing crimson red eyes, a smirk firmly in place on his otherwise stoic face.

To her right, was Sasuke, who looked like a freshly resurrected zombie, his silky black hair, that usually magically put itself in place, was jutting out every which way, and he had huge dark circles under his eyes. He reminded Sakura of the character L from Death note, minus the candy fetish.

And Deidara had covered his face once again with his black t-shirt, removed from his torso, in order to deter any impeding sound and/or light, his blonde hair spilling all over the blanket, and dangerously close to getting tangled up in Sasori's feet. Sakura decided not to disturb him, before turning to the clock on the wall, ticking away the minutes, her eyes widened when she read the time indicated on its plastic surface.

"Guys! It's 1:57 why the hell didn't any of you get up earlier?!" Instantly, she jumped to her feet, almost slipping on the plush white comforter beneath her, bolting towards the stairs, skillfully dodging the men unintentionally blocking her path. "Naruto, I still want that breakfast!" She called over her shoulder.

As Sakura pounded up the staircase, and down the hall, she almost plowed over a very confused Kakashi, only missing him by centimeters when he cleverly stuck to the wall. Her thoughts racing, Sakura jerked her door open, dodging around the bed and jumping to the closet. She gulped, praying her swimsuit was still there, as she dug through the dirty contents that sat in a sloppy pile on the floor, with frantic movements.

When she came up empty handed, she cursed and darted to the opposite side of her room, to the basket of freshly washed clothes, and began to throw articles of clothing behind her in her rapid search. Nothing. "_Shit!_ Where _is_ it?"

She growled, about ready to pull her hair from the scalp, before sliding across the carpet and crouching to glance under her bed. Fruitless. "Dammit!" And she rushed to her vanity, sliding drawers open viciously, the whole frame shaking violently, knocking her mother's music box to the carpet. She didn't even spare it a glance, when she found absolutely _no_ sign of her swimsuit's existence. She stamped her foot.

"Dammit! Where the _fuck_ is my bathing suit?!"

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"Anyone wanna take a guess as to why sweet little Sakura is cussing up a storm in her room, right now?" Kakashi queried, glancing at the guys on the floor of his living room, questioningly. Naruto shrugged.

"Dunno... She just jolted up after looking at the clock, screaming at us for not waking her up earlier," He muttered, before rising to his feet and stepping over Tobi, _accidentally _knocking his knee against his head as he passed. "Well, I guess I gotta make breakfast... Wait. I _can't_ cook..."

"What could Sakura possibly have to do on a Saturday morning, that doesn't involve us?" Sasuke murmured, rubbing his eyes. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, do to serious, continuous kicks to the back of his skull, delivered by none other than Itachi himself, the bastard. His comment perked up everyone's ears, as the group contemplated their pinkette's schedule.

"Hold on. Didn't Sakura say at dinner yesterday that she had plans to go... go _somewhere _with Ino?" Sasori asked, awaiting the agreement of his fellow house mates. Deidara, awoken by Sakura's second outburst—she had stepped on his hair in her hasty retreat―raised a blonde eyebrow.

"That's pretty vague, yeah," He groused, running his hands through his innumerable amount of tresses, to get them out of his face. Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Yeah? Well, you know how it is. Believe me, I listen to whatever my dear Sakura says, but when Ino's name comes into the conversation, it all just goes in one ear and out the other," Sasori sighed, attempting his hardest to recall just where the destination of Sakura and Ino's rendezvous point was, exactly.

"Have you guys seen my swimsuit?!" Sakura suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs, her eyes hysterical as she glanced from one to the other. When no one answered, only eyed her with calculating stares, as they tried to remember where she had said she was going. She sighed frustratedly, throwing her hands up in the air. "_Fine._ I'll ask Minato." And she rushed down the steps, past Kakashi and the guys and down the hall leading to the other man's room.

Frowns imminent on their faces, and hands to their chins they inwardly sifted through the conversation they had each had with Sakura the night before. When suddenly, Itachi lifted himself into a sitting position with his elbows, an oddly agitated expression on his lined face, red eyes narrowed.

"Didn't she say she was going to the beach?"

"..."

"KAKASHI! WHERE THE HELL ARE OUR BATHING SUITS?!"

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"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" Sakura squatted over Naruto's father, her knees on either side of his waist, as she shook his shoulders vigorously, the large t-shirt she used as sleepwear riding up, to reveal her strawberry printed, white undies. 'Course, she was perfectly oblivious to this crucial fact, in her desperate need to locate her missing bikini. "Dammit, you old man, open your goddamn eyes!"

"Ugh," Minato groaned, his hands immediately flying up to her waist to stop her violent shoves. "Mm, Sakura, honey, I _love_ you but could you get the hell off me?" Sakura scowled.

"_Open your eyes_."

Minato inhaled deeply, not at all pleased with the rude awakening. But he supposed this was what he got for being a foster home caretaker. Carefully, and cautiously, he lifted his eyelids, blinking a couple times to clear his vision of its blurry, slumber-elicited, film. The image before him, was of a pink-haired, sixteen year old, with blazing green eyes and beads of sweat beginning to form across her brow as she glared at him, fiercely. Her short pink locks tickled his forehead, she was so close. "_Yes?_ My sweet Sakura."

"Have you seen my bathing suit?!" She hissed, her sentence not even resembling a question in the least, more of a request, really. Minato wriggled his nose, one of his hands raising from her waist, to wipe the sleep from his bright blue eyes.

"Um... Eh--"

"Just _answer._" She growled, her glare intensifying ten fold, as she lowered her face so dangerously close to his. Their foreheads were touching. Minato sighed, before deciding to take authority as the mature adult in the situation.

So, he said, "Jeez, Sakura, what's got your panties in a bunch?" Sakura's emerald eyes narrowed, and the hands resting on his shoulders were severely tempted to move only inches farther, to strangle the man beneath her.

"You know I _hate_ when people say that," She growled, her breath washing over his face, smelling something akin to the bowl of watermelon she had eaten during the movie her and the others had watched the night before. Minato ran his hand—previously on her waist―to her back, and began to rub slow comforting swirls, to distract her from devouring him, which he was sure she was going to do soon, if he didn't say something.

"_Minato_." Her tone was warning, as she squeezed his shoulders, jerking him up to an almost sitting position, her scowl deepening. Minato winced.

"Er, I think I last saw it in the laundry room--" And before he could even finish his sentence, she was off of him and sprinting out the door. He scratched his head and rolled his eyes, before collapsing back against his pillow, rolling over and pulling the covers up to his nose. He would never understand teenage girls.

"What was _that_ just now?" Kakashi's voice broke into Minato's consciousness, an instant before he fell back into dreamland, where Sakura _wasn't_ a raging lunatic. An _adorable_ raging lunatic, but still a raging lunatic.

"_Hell_, Kakashi, I was almost asleep. What do you want? I'm _tired_," Minato muttered his voice laced with exhaustion, as he tugged the blankets higher, and over his head. Kakashi chuckled, from his position against the door pane.

"It's two in the afternoon, how tired could you possibly be? Oh, wait—That's right. Weren't _you_ the one who insisted on staying up with the kids until they all went to sleep, _just_ to make sure none of them inappropriately touched your precious Sakura? I think you just might be robbing the cradle."

Minato ignored Kakashi's comments. "Why the hell was Sakura so vicious? And so early in the morning—Ahem, excuse me, _afternoon."_

"Not exactly the paragon of patience is she? Well apparently, she had plans to visit the beach with her friends, you know, the _not_ male ones," Kakashi scoffed. As if the very prospect of Sakura _really_ needing anyone else other than him, and perhaps one of the boys—as a slave or whatever—was completely preposterous. Minato shifted onto his right side, so that he could successfully peek out from under the beige comforter at his silver-haired friend.

"_Beach?_"

"Yup."

"In her _bikini?_"

"Please don't yell--"

"KAKASHI WHERE THE HELL IS MY SWIMSUIT?!"

"And he screams."

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"Bikini, bikini, bikini, bikini, bikini..." Sakura chanted her mantra, as she sorted through the mountain of clothing that was the laundry room, the cordless phone held meticulously between her head and shoulder, as the purr of a ring, reverberated in her ear.

"Forehead?! Where the hell have you been?! I've called you, like, _eighty_ times!" Ino's irritated voice shouted, after the ceremonious click, her blonde rage practically busting Sakura's eardrum. Said pinkette flinched, chucking a pair of Naruto's orange boxers over her head as she did so.

"Sorry, sorry. I know you said this was really important but I stayed up late watching that new Fujiwara Takada movie, I didn't wake up till just a few minutes ago," She murmured, shifting the phone to her other ear, after almost losing it when she practically dived into a colossal heap of the dirty rags her boys called clothing.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuses, excuses. Anyway, hurry up—No wait, you know what? Take your _time_, there are _plenty_ of deliciously hot shirtless guys jogging around," Ino smirked, and Sakura could imagine her sly face as she leered at the unfortunate saps who happened to run by.

"Those joggers better start running."

"Oh shut up, they _love_ me. I'm wearing my new mini two piece, OP brand. Hel-_lo_? Who _wouldn't _want a piece of this?" Ino boasted, her obnoxious grin just about leaking through the phone. Sakura rolled her eyes, tossing a pair of shredded jeans over her shoulder.

"Sure, sure. I'll see you in hour, 'kay?" Sakura mumbled, frowning curiously at a brown t-shirt of Tobi's. "Could've sworn this was _white_... AGH!" Immediately she threw it to the ground.

"Alrighty then, call me if you need anything, I'll be enjoying the view! Ta-ta!" Her blonde best friend bid adieu, before Sakura heard a muffled click, and then the monotonous dial tone. Pressing the END button, and pitching it over her shoulder, momentarily mistaking it for another article of clothing, Sakura returned to her digging.

"Oh, shit--" The pinkette abruptly blurted out, upon sudden realization of her action. Instantly she pivoted around, already cringing at the image of a smashed-to-pieces phone on the hardwood floor of the laundry room that played before her eyes, but instead her sight fell upon a red-headed, green eyed youth, smirking at her with amusement. The cordless phone in his hand rocking back and forth as he swung it, teasingly. Sakura sighed with relief, her hand to her chest to calm her rapidly beating heart. "Thank God, Gaara. Woo!" Wiping her forehead on her forearm, Sakura granted the tanuki-like boy, a grateful smile, causing him to pause, his breath stopping short, the phone almost slipping from his fingers.

"By the way, Gaara, have you seen my swimsuit?"

And the subject resurfaces itself.

Gaara blinked, to regain his composure. "Yeah, actually. It got mixed up in my laundry, in the last load, yesterday. It should be in my hamper." Sakura's faced cracked into a grin so huge, it seemed to almost reach her ears, and her green eyes—previously glowing with annoyance—lit up right before him and she practically pounced on him, her arms wrapping around his neck and her feet lifted off the floor as she held him tight. And so taken by surprise at the attack, and the onslaught of emotions that instantly flooded through his veins upon contact, the unfortunate cordless _did_ slip out of his grip and cascaded to the wood flooring, roughly colliding with its hard surface, a crack splitting its plastic outer covering.

At the crash, Sakura abruptly pulled away to glance at the phone over her shoulder. Gaara, basically at loss for words, didn't say anything, as she stared at the damaged phone for a little over a minute. "...Well, that's okay! At least I know where my bikini is! Thank you _so much_ Gaara! I _love_ you!" And she pecked him on the cheek, before disappearing out the door.

For moments, Gaara stood there, his sea-foam colored eyes trained on the phone lying at his feet, his usually pallid face _un_usually crimson, incredulity written all over his expression. Gradually his right hand raised to his cheek, the very place Sakura had kissed—_kissed _him. "...Love me?" Which basically translated into, _damn_. If he'd known Sakura would go this crazy, then he'd have to get her clothes mixed up in his laundry more often from now on.

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"Fuck, Sasuke-teme! Move your ass!"

Sasuke scowled at his roommate, as the blonde shoved him over and got down on his stomach, shimmying under his bed in search of a pair of swimming trunks. The Uchiha watched his legs wriggle around, and he felt the serious temptation to kick them—_kick_ them as hard as he possibly could. "Naruto, why the hell are you looking under your bed for your bathing suit?"

"This is _my_ side of the room! It could be _anywhere!_" Came Naruto's muffled voice. Sasuke had to admit, the blonde was right.

"Yeah, well, did you ever think of checking the _bathroom? _That's generally the place where people go to remove their clothes, and _clothes_ include _swimming suits_. Dumbass," He muttered, his bathing suit, already safely in his hands. He had originally planned on heading into the bathroom to change into said suit, despite the fact that Naruto's trunks were hanging from the shower rod there. But the blonde idiot, looked so pathetic... Sasuke couldn't help it. Though he was naturally an impassive man.

Unless, of course, Sakura was involved.

"_Jeez,_ teme! I'm _only _human!"

"_Barely."_

"How rude! You said the bathroom, right?!" And the whiskered, hyperactive youth slid out from underneath the bed as if he were on wheels, before propelling to his feet and making a mad dash for the bathroom door, slamming it shut behind him.

...Speaking of Sakura. If Sasuke spent his time lallygagging around, and being _kind_ towards Naruto, he wouldn't be able to protect his innocent Sakura from—shitty, _undeserving_, pitiful, vulture-ing, _bastards_—other men at the beach. Sasuke growled. He didn't have _time_ to be waiting around.

"NARUTO GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THAT BATHROOM, _NOW._"

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"There! All set, now just breakfast and I'll be good to go," Sakura gleamed, twirling around once more, in the mirror over her sink, before nodding her approval and pulling a white, thigh-length, shirt over her bikini and stepping out the bathroom door, practically colliding with Deidara in the process. "Holy crap! Frick, you scared the hell out of me! What's up with the swimming trunks?" Sakura questioned, trying to slow her quickened pulse and pointing to the light blue shorts in the blonde's hand.

"Um... Sakura you look absolutely adorable, yeah!" He abruptly exclaimed, tugging the pink-haired girl into a coddle. Sakura cocked an eyebrow, placing her hands on his chest, and glancing up at him suspiciously. Deidara grinned, suddenly forgetting the swim trunks in his hand, at the feel of Sakura's body pressed against his, and her fingers resting on his bare torso.

"Deidara... Deidara, stop _smiling_ like that! And let me go, I have to go make breakfast! Since I know Naruto didn't even _try_," She muttered, before pushing against his chest, attempting to pry herself from Deidara's constricting grip. He didn't even flinch, at her ministrations, and instead lowered his head to nuzzle his nose into her soft pink tresses, inhaling deeply--

"Sakura." His voice surprised the teen and she jumped slightly. "Why do you smell like... like _Sasori?_" The blonde growled, his one visible, icy blue eye narrowing. Sakura, eyebrow raised once more, rolled her eyes.

"I slept right next to him, what do you expect?" She sighed, a small hint of a blush dashing her cheeks, at the memory of having awoken clinging to Sasori like a koala bear. Deidara eyed her blush doubtfully, before clutching her to his chest, a decidedly mischievous smirk playing across his lips.

"But _tonight_ you sleep next to _me_," He purred into her ear, Sakura's face instantly exploded into a flurry of red, and she immediately shoved him away.

"_No_ way."

At that precise moment, Sasori decided to brusquely walk by, and as he passed, he hooked his arm around the blonde's neck, dragging him along behind. And they both disappeared around the corner, Deidara murmuring, with woozy eyes,

"She _so_ wants me."

Sasori whacked him one for that comment.

-

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"_Itachi?_" Sakura couldn't help but utter, as she leaned through the doorway of the kitchen, the aforementioned Uchiha slaving away in front of the stove, flipping another egg over, with the same stoic expression, he consistently wore. But, of course, at the sound of his name falling from her lips, his face instantly brightened, and he smiled. "You're making me... breakfast?" She asked carefully, prudently stepping over to him, regarding him with the utmost apprehension.

"What's with the guarded expression?" He queried, chuckling at her strange behavior as she gradually placed herself beside him. She continued to stare up at him, cautiously, before slowly lifting a timid hand to grasp the long sleeve of his thin shirt. He followed her movements with a curiously amused expression on his face. At the feel of cloth and covered skin underneath her fingertips, Sakura's face immediately illuminate with undisguised glee.

"You _are_ real." She proclaimed, seemingly genuinely amazed. And Itachi's carefully constructed calm demeanor shattered. It started as a few chuckles, before expanding into a full blown, undeterred laugh. He doubled over, clutching his sides, Sakura's hand still grasping his shirt. She watched him laugh in such an un-Itachi-like fashion, she couldn't help but be twenty-five times _more_ amazed than she was just five seconds ago—Something, five seconds ago, she would have deemed impossible.

As he laughed, Sakura couldn't help but smile too, finding she rather liked Itachi's laugh.

-

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"Should Tobi wear this one or _this_ one?"

"This one's darker and cooler, but _this_ one looks better on Tobi..."

"But, then again, are black swimming trunks _really_ Tobi's color?"

"But Tobi bets, his Sakura-chan would _love_ this one!"

"Hm..."

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"Woah. Itachi? _Laughing?_ ...God, this day gets weirder and weirder," Minato muttered, clad in nothing but his own swimming shorts and his beige comforter, wrapped snuggly around his bare shoulders, held in place by his hands, that acted as a clip. As he passed through the kitchen, he took one glance at the giggling Sakura standing beside the strangely happy Itachi, and only one thing registered in his mind.

No pants.

His Sakura was prancing around, without any pants?! Abruptly, he shuffled over to her, and—with his blanket encased hands—immersed her in his comforter as well, hiding her from public view. He felt her jolt, taken by surprise, before relaxing and leaning backwards, her back against his chest as she glanced up at him, only visible from the shoulders up. "Minato?"

"Sakura." She misinterpreted his stern tone.

"Oh. I wanted to apologize... You know, for attacking you earlier this morning," She murmured, shifting her gaze to the tiled kitchen floor, as Itachi regained control over his—never used—laugh box, just in time to cast Minato a scowl over his shoulder and returning to the eggs laying forgotten on the stove.

"_Attacking_ is putting it lightly." Minato hugged her to his chest, smirking down at her. Her cheeks reddened, and she softly elbowed him in the gut.

"Shut-up."

"Now, that that's settled. We have _much_ more important matters to be dealt with. Come with me," He ordered, lifting her onto the tops of his feet—always subtly surprised at how light she was—and waddling in the direction of his room. Sakura glanced up at him once more, her hands clutching his, as he lifted her arms like a marionette, and carried her to his room.

"What's the more _important _matter?" Sakura questioned, a bit of a sarcastic tone laced in her words. Minato released her from his blanket prison, and she pivoted on her heel, plopping onto his white sheets, to lay onto her back and stare up at the matching white plastered ceiling. She pulled her knees to her chest, unintentionally flashing poor, virgin-eyed Minato a clear view of her bikini bottoms. Not that they were really all that bad, in fact they were pretty standard. Minato was just a bit of a drama queen.

His hand immediately flew to cover his red face, embarrassed _for_ his precious, innocent, unaware Sakura, as she silently awaited his answer to her earlier question. "_That._ That's what I'm talking about! You're not wearing any shorts or anything!" He exclaimed, like a frantic, overprotective father. Sakura tugged herself into a sitting position, and shrugged, shooting the blonde a skeptic look.

"But, I'm gonna go swimming, anyway. So, what's it matter?"

Minato inhaled a deep, deep breath, before spinning around and darting to his closet, searching as haphazardly as Sakura had earlier that morning, before coming up with a pair of short, dark blue shorts. "Here, wear these. They were Kushina's." He demanded, thrusting out the hand holding the pants, his other hand holding the fluffy comforter up to his nose to hide his face at the thought of what _he'd_ seen almost having been flashed to the entire world A.K.A the beach.

"But, they're--" Sakura began to protest.

"She'd want you to have 'em. Hell, if she didn't love you more than me when she was alive. She always wanted a daughter, and she _especially_ wanted it to be you," Minato grinned convincingly, shaking the shorts for emphasis. Sakura returned his happy expression with a smile of her own, taking the swimming shorts into her hands.

Kushina had worked at the orphanage/adoption center Sakura had spent six years at, and after she died, Minato was quick to include Sakura into his foster care, for teenage—never gonna get adopted—kids. Of course, the _technical_ people called it the, 'Foster Home for Older Children and Teens.' But everyone knew, _that_ was simply code for, 'never gonna get adopted'.

"Thanks, Minato." Sakura couldn't wipe off her pleased smile, as she pulled the blue shorts up under her shirt. She then turned to the blonde man, and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug, before pressing her lips to his cheek. "I love you." She murmured, before ruffling his sun colored spikes and stepping out the door.

Minato stood in the same frozen position for a good twenty seconds—transfixed—before falling forward onto his bed like a ton of bricks. "Man, Kushina she's growing up to be just as beautiful as you said."

He grinned, drunkenly. _Oh_ yeah. He was every bit, the doting father.

-

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"STOP FREAKING YELLING AT ME, TEME!"

"NO! NOW, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!"

"...YOU KNOW! I THINK IT'S KINDA COMFORTABLE!"

"WHAT?! YOU BITCH, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BATHROOM, OR I'LL--"

"OR YOU'LL _WHAT_!"

"I'LL GO AND MAKE-OUT WITH SAKURA. RIGHT _NOW._"

"YOU _WOULDN'T--"_

"I _WOULD_."

And the door busted off its hinges.

-

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"Why is everyone running around?"

Gaara stood in the middle of the hallway, as Sasori shoved by him, followed by a shouting, rampaging Deidara. They both ignored him.

He saw Kakashi heading his direction, and quickly asked, "What's going on?" Said silver-haired man didn't even spare him a glance, and continued to rush down the hall. Gaara narrowed his filmy-green eyes.

Tobi came dashing from the direction in which Kakashi had disappeared, a silly, excited expression on his face. As soon as he passed Gaara, the red-head's arm instantly shot up, and the oblivious boy got clotheslined, immediately slamming to the carpet, with a well-deserved groan.

"You. Talk. _Now_."

-

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"Mm! Itachi that smells _delicious!_" Sakura beamed, wafting the tantalizing aroma that was Itachi's cooking. Of course, she was so enraptured she didn't notice the extreme expression of pleased pride that gleamed across Itachi's face at her constant stream of compliments. She hugged him tightly, pressing her lips to his cheek—suddenly wondering just how _many_ times she had done that today. "Really, Itachi I can't thank you enough for this! Wow, eating breakfast that isn't made by me for once..." She pecked his cheek once more before turning towards the open doorway. "I'm gonna go round everyone up for breakfast, okay?" She grinned, licking her lips at the mere thought of those mouth-watering eggs on her taste buds. Itachi nodded mutely, an act that was all he could do, in his Sakura induced ecstasy.

"Guys! Breakfast!" Sakura paused, awaiting the usual stampede of crazy, starved wild beasts rushing towards her, but was thoroughly astonished when not a single soul arrived, not even _Minato_, who was just down the hall—Sakura could swear she saw a tumbleweed roll by. "Looks like, I'm gonna have to _manually_ get their lazy asses down here."

With that in mind, Sakura determinedly set out for the second floor, opting for leaving Minato for last, since she already knew where he was—whatever he was doing... As she stomped up the stairs, Sakura faintly heard voices, and upon closer inspection, she identified them as Gaara and Tobi's.

Peering around the corner, Sakura wondered inwardly what the two most _polar_ opposite guys in the house could possibly be talking about. And she perked her ears, to simply _listen._ She was _not EAVESDROPPING_.

"You. Talk. _Now._" Gaara's low voice growled, and Sakura pondered what could have possibly pissed him off so much. Tobi, who, Sakura realized, was lying belly-up on the ground, groaned, rubbing his throat.

"Um. Tobi isn't sure what you're referring too, but Tobi's getting his bathing suit so he can secretly follow Sakura to the beach with everyone else!"

Sakura's eyes grew wide.

Was _that_ what everyone was doing? Why the _hell_ would the guys wanna follow her to the beach?! The pinkette scratched her head, in confusion, not at all able to find a single reason behind why the guys would want to stalk her.

She ultimately decided to put it aside—meaning: stop the plan at breakfast, when they were all gathered in a one-way-out, inescapable room—and return to her _listening_. When she stole around the corner, once more, Gaara was standing as still as a statue, either extremely angry or extremely overjoyed. Sakura was betting it wasn't the latter.

"_Sakura?_ Is going to the _beach?_ And nobody _told_ me?" Sakura could see where this was going. Immediately, she launched herself out from behind the corner, to save poor, unfortunate Tobi from Gaara's unrelenting fury.

"H-hey, guys!" Sakura stuttered, stumbling over her own feet in her rush to get between the two. Gaara's rage instantly simmered at the sight of her, and she offered him a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of her head. "Breakfast's ready, boys... It's delicious." She offered lightly, and Gaara seemed to contemplate something over in his head, before deciding against beating the ever loving _stuffing_ out of Tobi, and heading for breakfast. He ruffled her pink tresses with his left hand as he passed, inhaling the scent that fluttered off of them and grinning to himself.

"Sakura-chan! Tobi is grateful!" Tobi suddenly exclaimed, his own sunny grin cracking up his face as he engulfed the startled pinkette in a hug—and Sakura found herself continuously surprised by the childish boy's height—as he cuddled against her like a newborn kitten.

"Really, Tobi. It's fine, besides I have to go tell the others about breakfast," Sakura defended against his excited coddles, with a red face. He reluctantly released her, after a moment, but his grin was still cheerily in place.

"Okay, but don't get too close to the other guys. 'Kay, Sakura-chan?" Tobi watched her carefully, his hands still on her shoulders. Sakura looked at him questioningly.

"Why?"

Tobi's grin, was suddenly a smirk. "'Cause you're mine, Sakura-chan." And he pressed his lips to hers, in a chaste kiss, before breaking away and making a mad dash for the stairs.

Sakura's emerald eyes were as large as dinner plates, and her face beet red, her hand to her mouth in surprise. Out of all the people she _ever_ expected to take her first kiss, she _definitely_ didn't expect Tobi. No how, no way. He was the cute guy, who was always being annoyingly endearing, and generally adorable... Who would have thought. Tobi'd gone to the _dark_ side.

But why did he run?

"TOBI! YOU LITTLE, HOLE-DIGGING BASTARD! GET YOUR GERBIL ASS BACK HERE! HOW DARE YOU PUT YOUR TAINTED LIPS ON _MY_ SAKURA BEFORE ME!" Deidara howled, his hair still negligent of its usual pony-tail as he went rampaging by. The after breeze from his stampede, blew Sakura's pink locks around her face, and she sighed.

"Oh, _that's_ why."

-

-

-

"Sasuke? Naruto? Breakfast is ready." Sakura peeped in through the open doorway of the aforementioned boys' room, glancing back and forth.

It was eerily quiet. For Naruto and Sasuke anyway.

She was about to go look elsewhere, when suddenly a slight movement, in the peripheral of Sakura's left eye, caused her to abruptly jerk her head in that direction. That was the precise moment she noticed the white, wooden door lying on the carpet, not doing any good to give the two teens frozen stiff on the floor inside, in the midst of strangling each other, any privacy. They tried not to move, hoping to God she hadn't yet noticed them.

"_Boys,_" They gulped simultaneously, their strangling hands suddenly turning to clutching hands as they cowered in fear. "_Who?_ Who _kicked_ down the _bathroom door?_" She hissed, looming over them like a demon, and cracking her knuckles vociferously. The two flinched, before taking one glance at each other and nodding, as if confirming some agreed plan, and Sakura awaited the plan's execution, expecting them to toss her to the floor and run for their lives, or do ninja moves onto the ceiling and climbing through the air vent. She couldn't help but be excited, in the midst of her anger. What cool thing were they planning to--

"We're _sorry_, Sakura-chan! Please don't kill us!"

And Sakura felt herself being glomped, a tsunami of disappointment washing over her, as the two wrapped their arms around her shoulders and began to whine like children, secretly taking pleasure in the close contact. The pinkette's face turned scarlet and she immediately lifted her hands to attempt to shove them off, slowly walking backwards.

"What the- Guys, get off..." She muttered, trying her utmost hardest not to giggle fan girlishly, at the tickling sensation on her cheeks where their hair brushed along her sensitive skin. Gradually, she moved backwards, going for backing out of their grips. Unfortunately, they only seemed to move with her, too besotted with the girl in their arms to even notice she was moving. She was sure she was just about able to slip from their grasp, when abruptly she stepped on a pair of Naruto's boxers, her foot sliding out from underneath her as she blundered backwards, kicking back and bracing for the fall.

Now, right now you're probably thinking this is one of those cliché moments where the guys catch her and keep her from falling right? Well. She fell. _Hard_. "Ugh, son of a _bitch!_" Sakura groaned, having tripped straight into Naruto's closet, unintentionally having pulled the other two along with her. Their impact against the wall, shook the wooden frames of the doors, knocking them closed.

"Oh, oh God what the hell is that _smell_?!" Sakura squealed, her thumb and forefinger quickly shooting up to pinch her nose, as she scowled at Naruto, her expression barely visible in the dim light, shining from under the crack in the door.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Naruto muttered, rubbing his head, where he was _sure_ a bump was forming that very minute. "Nn, Sakura I hit my head, can you feel it? Tell me if there's a bump there." Sakura cocked an eyebrow at him, before sighing and raising her hand to the back of his head, groping around for any sort of bruising, or raised skin. Naruto smirked infatuatedly, at the feel of Sakura's soft fingertips brushing across his scalp, almost eliciting a purr from the teen at her disposal.

One glance at Naruto's face, and Sasuke growled, his own hands twitching with the need to murderize the blonde, then and there. But he controlled his lethal urges, taking a deep fulfilling breath, before shifting past Sakura, not at all displeased with the amount of physical contact that was _completely_ necessary to do so, and preparing to push the closet doors open, so that they could leave the close confines of Naruto's closet.

He pushed against them. They didn't budge. He narrowed his eyes. And pushed again. No budge. He growled. And violently shoved against the two hunks of wood humanity called doors, they quivered under his force, but there was no fresh burst of air, or light indicating open space. "We're locked in..." Sasuke suddenly came to the disturbing realization, obsidian eyes widening. He glanced, covertly, over his shoulder at Sakura and Naruto who were bickering quietly, waiting for him to open the door. And somewhere, in the far reaches of his mind, Sasuke couldn't help but admit that this very same situation had played out in his mind's eye during many sleepy nights. Of course, Naruto hadn't been there.

"Sasuke?" Sakura peered up at him, unable to see his face, and tilted her head curiously, oblivious to Naruto's arm, which had sneakily snaked around her shoulders. Sasuke cast it a warning glance, though he was sure Naruto couldn't see it, and plopped down in front of the two with a downcast sigh, his fingers reaching up to pinch his whiskered roommate's hand.

"Ow!" Naruto winced, instantly retracting his arm and blowing on the pink blemish, muttering, "Teme..." Sakura cast the blonde a curious look, before turning back to Sasuke, an eyebrow raised.

"Why aren't you opening the door?" The pinkette questioned, pulling her knees to her chest.

"It's locked."

"It's... _what?"_

"Locked..."

Sakura stared blankly at the Uchiha, her fists clenching as she moved them to the floor—covered with who-knew-what—to stabilize herself in her sudden moment of imbalance at the thought of being shut up in Naruto's closet, with no hope for escape. "W-well, I'm _sure_ the rest of the guys will notice we're missing and come search for us--" Suddenly, something small and somewhat resembling a creepy-crawly scuttled over her knuckles. Sakura visibly shivered. "Naruto? Are- are there roaches in this closet...?"

Naruto rubbed his eyes, before directing a worried look at his pink-haired housemate. "Yeah... I think I saw a few eating some moldy ramen a while back, why?" Sakura gulped, abruptly going over the "creepy-crawly" in her mind and thinking how it just _may_ have been a molded ramen ingesting cockroach.

. . .

"OH MY GOD!" And she leaped onto Sasuke's lap—him, having his back to the doors—her left hand clasping his shoulder tightly, as the other furiously banged against the wood surface, the doors shuddering under her fist. "HELP! WE'RE LOCKED IN NARUTO'S CLOSET! HELP, YOU USELESS BASTARDS! HELP!" Sasuke's own hands flew up to wrap around her waist to keep her from knocking the both of them over. He smirked, despite the staccato shouts against his ear, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying the moment. Naruto glowered at him with an envious pout.

"Lucky. I wish Sakura would jump on _my _lap and scream at the others, while hitting a pair of doors..."

"LET ME OUT, YOU MOTHER FUCKING BITCHES! THAT'S RIGHT! I _SAID_ IT! NOW LET US OUT!"

-

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-

"Hey, I came for the breakfast Sakura told me about. _Not _to get engulfed by the smoke from what you idiots call cooking." Gaara stood in the open doorway, not at all pleased with the gray smog that encompassed the kitchen, as Minato attempted to air it out, by means of opening the windows and Itachi stood on the counter, rewiring the smoke alarm. "So. Who was trying to cook?" He inquired, shuffling inside, to help Minato with the windows. Minato sighed, his blanket over his mouth, to keep from inhaling the cough-inducing air.

"Apparently, Itachi got distracted by _something_, or at least he froze up, and completely forgot about the food, though he won't tell me, by what," Minato cast a narrowed-eyed glance at the Uchiha, who seemed very entranced in the red wire protruding from the alarm system. "Which makes me very _suspicious_. And it _better_ not have anything to with _my_ Sakura." Minato warned, inhaling deeply through his comforter and sending Gaara a grateful glance, as all the windows were currently open, the heat and UV rays beginning to replace the tainted air.

Suddenly, Sasori appeared in the doorway, blinking away the smoke that nipped at his eyelashes and made his eyes water. "Don't tell me the smoke alarm went off?"

Minato raised his eyebrows curiously, "Why?"

Sasori shot him a skeptical look, "Well. Mostly because, ever since Deidara and Tobi accidentally lit the living room on fire, while we were gone, Kakashi had the smoke alarms wired to instantly contact the Konoha fire department, when they went off. Since, you know, we don't _usually_ produce enough smoke to set off the alarms, but _apparently_..."

Itachi paused. "Does that mean the fire department is..."

"On their way here? Most likely," Sasori said lightly, before taking a scan around the kitchen. "Where's Sakura?"

-

-

-

Kakashi stepped down the hall, curious as to why the smoke alarms had gone off, but still taking his sweet time, in no rush at all. He was clad in nothing but his gray swim trunks, with full intentions on coincidentally _following—_stalking—his sweet Sakura, down to the beach, planning to beat down _anyone_ who tried hitting on her, or even _looking_ at her for more than two seconds. And really, even that was two seconds too long.

He stifled a growl when he suddenly heard faint shouting coming from the direction of Sasuke and Naruto's room. It sounded, somewhat like a female voice. And the only female in the house was--

"Sakura?"

-

-

-

"Ugh! Forget it, no one's coming." Sakura fell back onto her butt, an exhausted sigh slipping past her lips. She had been yelling and smashing her fists into the doors for over ten minutes, and she had a feeling it was starting to become meaningless. Sasuke, who had been keeping her steady in her momentary relapse of sanity, shrugged.

"I'm sure when the house burns down, and they find our dead bodies, they will _sorely_ regret not coming to look for us sooner." He scratched his head, and glanced over at Naruto, who had now taken to clutching to Sakura's hips, humming to himself softly.

"_'Cause we belong together, yeah. Forever united here somehow, yeah. You got a piece of me. And honestly. My life, would suck, without youuu..."_

"Even _if_ they find us, I think it may be a little too late for Naruto," The younger Uchiha murmured. Sakura cast the blonde a sympathetic look, petting his bright spikes with a consoling hand.

"You know it's bad when he starts singing Kelly Clarkson... I'd feel sorry for him, but if I feel_ another_ cockroach crawl on me, I'm going to use _him_ to beat it with," Sakura hissed darkly, quivering slightly with the notion of the little brown creatures with their long furry _feelers_ scurrying around her, when she couldn't see them. She sighed.

"I _really_ hope the house doesn't burn down," She muttered, shooting Sasuke a pathetic look. He rubbed the back of his neck, before shifting his position over to place himself on the right side—the unoccupied side—of Sakura, his arm _aching_ to wrap around her shoulders.

"It probably won't. But if it does, I'll be sure to protect you." As true as his words were, Sakura couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"You're so corny, Sasuke." But before said Uchiha could redeem himself, another voice was heard, _outside_ of the closet.

"Sakura? I thought I heard you yelling, are you in here?" Kakashi's questioning voice called, as he stepped into the room. Sakura's green eyes grew wide, and a grin spread across her face like butter, as she immediately jerked out of Naruto's grip.

"KAKASHI! Oh, thank God! We're in here! In the closet!" Sakura shouted, her fists—once again—banging into the wood and causing the double doors to tremble under her ferocity.

She wasn't expecting the sudden burst of fresh, clean air, as the doors were thrust open violently and she practically pounced onto Kakashi, her legs wrapping around his waist and her arms, his neck. She clung to him like a magnet, making truly sure she was no longer trapped in _Naruto's—_disgusting, roach-infested, moldy ramen containing—closet. "_Yes!_ I'm free! I'm _free!_" Sakura's relieved breaths washed over Kakashi's exposed neck, as she grinned cheerfully. The silver-haired man, moved his hands underneath her bottom to support her, unable to say he quite disagreed with her elation, he was enjoying himself immensely. And he called Minato a cradle robber. Such a hypocritical man.

Sasuke came staggering out behind the pinkette, blonde, unconscious idiot in tow, as he shot covetous scowls in the Hatake's direction. At the sight of the two, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder how the trio could _possibly _have been spending there time in that closet. "What were you three dong locked in a closet, anyway?" He queried, the corner of his mouth pressed against Sakura's head, causing his voice to come out a little muffled.

"We fell. Naruto's closet... Blegh! It's like a rat _hell_ in there," Sakura shivered at the mere thought of returning to the dark abyss of grossness that was Naruto's closet, and Kakashi chuckled. Sasuke rolled his eyes, attempting to kick his whiskered roommate back into consciousness. Sakura opened her mouth to say more, but was stopped when suddenly Minato appeared at the door, blanket still securely wound around his naked torso.

"Uh, apparently, the fire department is on their way. I tried to call them off, but they just told me to get everyone out of the house, so..." The older blonde trailed off, his blue-eyed gaze flicking from one person to another, first his passed out son, lying on the floor with the younger Uchiha's foot in his face, and then Kakashi who's back was to him, with a pink-haired girl-- "_Kakashi_. What are you doing to Sakura?"

Kakashi pivoted around, a cheery grin on his face. "Who me? Oh, nothing. Just saving Sakura from being trapped any longer, in a closet. _Alone_, with two other boys. It was no big deal really." Minato's nostrils flared, and he growled, before spinning on his heel and marching down the hall, signaling for the four to follow him. Kakashi sighed. "Jeez, what's got his panties in a bunch?" Sakura whacked his silver head.

"You know I hate that saying."

"I know. Mind if I carry you out?" And he ushered for Sasuke and the newly revived Naruto, to follow him out the door, down the hall and out another door to the wonderful thing humanity called "The Great Outdoors". It's a wonder why it's referred to as that, isn't it?

The sound of sirens was already blaring, as a red firetruck pulled into the driveway. Sakura noticed, from her comfortable, and awkward, position in Kakashi's arms, that the rest of the household had already been evacuated from the premises, and she silently wondered what had caused the smoke.

"Oh yeah! Thanks for letting us out, Kakashi. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up. You're like my _savior_, if there's anything I can do to repay you--" Kakashi interrupted.

"Sakura, all I did was let you out of a closet."

Sakura stared at the Hatake blankly, a completely serious expression across her face. "You. Weren't. There. You have _no_ idea what it was like in there. You're almost, like, a guardian angel."

"I prefer tutelary saint," Kakashi smirked, before catching an eyeful of a scowl being shot in his general direction as the majority, minus Minato, of the foster home's inhabitants stood irately underneath a small copse of trees, shooting disgruntled glares at the firemen—who'd just arrived, and were in the process of _securing the perimeter_. Which was technical term, for running around and looking for the colors: red, orange or yellow and/or large amounts of heat.

Sakura motioned for Kakashi to let her go, as she felt hostile looks being directed from every angle at the poor man, and waltzed over to the large group of males, lounging around with empty stomachs in their bathing suits, basking in the ultra violet rays the sun sent shimmering in little beams through the tree leaves. With a long sigh, Sakura plopped onto the dirt, watching as the small group of firemen rushed into the house, Minato attempting to inform them of the simple mistake. Sakura sighed, an exasperated breath blowing past her lips.

"So, I guess this means I'm not going to the beach anytime soon, huh?"

Instantly, all eyes were on her as the guys stared at her incredulously, before allowing large, triumphant smirks to pull across their faces. "Nope, I guess not." Kakashi answered, a little _too_ merrily. So much so, that Sakura couldn't help but wonder if they had planned it all from the beginning...

Nah.

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Meh. A little messy, I think.

This oneshot _was_ geared towards humor a bit more than what I usually do, but I hope that wasn't a bad thing...

Review, if you enjoyed it, please. Because we all know what makes the world go 'round. Not money. Not happiness. Not love. _Reviews_, man, reviews.

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